Fishing Fact #1: The least experienced
fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing Fact #2: The worse your
line is tangled, the better the fishing around you.
Fishing Fact #3: Fishing will do
a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.
Keith had an awful day fishing on
the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single
one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick
four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them
at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that
I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take
the orange roughy."
"But why?"
"Because your wife came in earlier
today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy.
She prefers that for supper tonight."
No one in this town could catch any
fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it.
The man told the game warden that
he would take him fishing the next day.
Once they got to the middle of the
lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the
water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water.
The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden told him that this
was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it.
He then handed it to the game warden
and said " Shut up and fish!"
A couple of young guys were fishing
at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped
the game warden!
Immediately, one of the boys threw
his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels
came the game warden.
After about a half mile, the guy
stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath
and the game warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!"
the warden gasped.
With that, the guy pulled out his
wallet and gave the game warden a valid
fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden.
"You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks!
You don't have to run from me if
you have a valid license!"
"Yes sir," replied the young feller.
"But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."
You might be a fisherman if...
You have a power worm dangling from
your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
Your wedding party had to tie tin
cans to the back of your bass boat.
You call your boat "sweetheart"
and your wife "skeeter".
Your local tackle shop has your
credit card number on file.
You keep a flippin stick by your
favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
You name your black lab "Mercury"
and your cat "Evinrude".
Bass Pro Shop has a private line
just for you.
You have your name painted on a
parking space at the launch ramp.
You have a photo of your 10 lb.
bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
You consider viennies and crackers
a complete meal.
You think MEGABYTES means a great
day fishing.
You send your kid off to the first
day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn,
Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer
needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
You trade your wife's van for a
smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
Your kids know it's Saturday---Because
the boats gone.
Fishing Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
A box of tackle at my feet...
My rod and reel perched by the door,
My hip waders on the floor,
My trophy hung above my head...
My minnow bucket beside the bed,
My raincoat on the bedpost,
And visions of catching the most.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray, dear Lord, it's some mistake...
For I just know that the next day,
I'll catch the one that got away.
Fishing Shorts
"Three Men And A Baby"
What you get when four men go fishing
and one comes back not catching anything.
There's a fine line between fishing
and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste
buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom
of the pond?)
What's the difference between a hunter
and a fisherman?
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman
waits and lies.
A pessimist is any angler who thinks
the weather is too bad to fish.
An optimist is any wife who thinks
her husband won’t fish anyway.
While people can run a bit over 20
miles an hour, fish wiggle through water that is about 700 times more dense
considerably faster. Sailfish can top 70 mph with pike clocking 20 mph
and bass 10 to 12 mph.
If they are dumb enough to eat off
a hook, how can fish be considered "brain food?"
Why do Bass often strike a lure right
after being released and not remember it?
Because a Bass has two memory centers
one for each eye. Say the first time he hit your lure he sees it with his
right eye and if he hits it again right away, more than likely he saw it
with the left eye.
When Dutchman Cor Stoop leaned over
the side of his fishing boat, his false teeth fell to the bottom of the
North Sea. He never thought that he'd see them again. But three months
later another fisherman found the dentures inside the stomach of a cod!
Vegetarian: Indian word for people
who can't fish.
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