A Florida Prayer
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in
time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs,
Two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes
That feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or
crawl,
In Florida, Lord, you've put them
all!!
But this is home,
And here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord,
For insect spray.
Friends come callin' in Florida
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN FLORIDA IN JULY WHEN...
~ The birds have to use potholders
to pull worms out of the ground.
~ The trees are whistling for the
dogs.
~ The best parking place is determined
by shade instead of distance.
~ Hot water now comes out of both
taps.
~ You can make sun tea instantly.
~ You learn that a seat belt buckle
makes a pretty good branding iron.
~ The temperature drops below 95
and you feel a little chilly.
~ You discover that in July it only
takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
~ You discover that you can get
sunburned through your car window.
~ You actually burn your hand opening
the car door.
~ You break into a sweat the instant
you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
~ Your biggest bicycle wreck fear
is, "What if I get knocked out and end
up lying on the
pavement and cook to death?"
~ You realize that asphalt has a
liquid state.
~ The potatoes cook underground,
so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter,
salt and pepper.
~ Farmers are feeding their chickens
crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled
eggs.
~ The cows are giving evaporated
milk.
Sweepstakes Says God May Be Rich and in Florida
TAMPA, Fla. (AP) -- American
Family Publishers found God in Sumter
County. And He may be very, very
rich.
A sweepstakes notice arrived
at the Bushnell Assembly of God earlier this
month announcing God, of Bushnell,
Fla., was a finalist for the $11
million top prize.
"I always thought he lived
here but I didn't actually know,'' said Bill
Brack, pastor of the church about
60 miles north of Tampa. "Now I do.
He's got a P.O. box here.''
"God, we've been searching
for you,'' American Family wrote in the letter,
as first reported by the local weekly
newspaper, the Sumter County Times.
The message was centered between
two round seals requesting God to "come
forward.''
If God were to win, the letter
stated, "What an incredible fortune there
would be for God! Could you imagine
the looks you'd get from your
neighbors? But don't just sit there,
God.''
Sweepstakes officials did not
return several telephone calls for comment
Thursday.
Brack said a youth pastor collected
the mail that day and pointed out the
addressee. "I read it in church
a couple of weeks ago and everyone got a
kick out of it,'' he said. "It is
funny and everybody seemed to enjoy it.
It lifted everybody's heart.''
Brack said his 140-person congregation
is considering whether to mail in the
entry. The church could use the
money.
If they win, Brack said he'd
settle with American Family for 10 percent on
the dollar and call it even.
"I'm willing for them to show
up here at the church with cameras and me in
my bathrobe as long as they write
a check.'' he quipped.
And if American Family chooses
a different winner?
"God would be disappointed,''
Brack joked.
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