The child was a typical four-year-old
girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty
in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his
wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after
another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance,
the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that
when mommy came to work for us?"
~~~~~~~
The Images of Mother:
4 Year of Age: My Mommy can do anything!
8 Year of Age: My Mom knows a lot!
A whole lot!
12 Year of Age: My Mother doesn't
really know quite everything.
14 Year of Age: Naturally, Mother
doesn't know that, either.
16 Year of Age: Mother? She's hopelessly
old-fashioned.
18 Year of Age: That old woman?
She's way out of date!
25 Year of Age: Well, she might
know a little bit about it.
35 Year of Age: Before we decide,
let's get Mom's opinion.
45 Year of Age: Wonder what Mom
would have thought about it?
65 Year of Age: Wish I could talk
it over with Mom.
~~~~~~~
You've Turned Into A Mom When:
You automatically double-knot everything
you tie.
You find yourself humming the Barney
song as you do the dishes.
You hear a baby cry in the grocery
store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However,
your children are at school!
You actually start to like the smell
of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
You weep through the scene in Dumbo
when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
You get soooo into crafts you contemplate
writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
You spend a half hour searching for
your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear
the ones you pushed up on your head?"
You are out for a nice romantic meal
with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly
you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!
~~~~~~~
If evolution really works, how come
Mothers only have two hands ?
~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~
One day, a girl walk up to her mother
and look at her mother's hair. She studied it for a moment then sadly said:
"Mom, why is it that some of your hair is white?"
The mother replied, "Well, every
time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my
hairs turns white.
The girl thought about this revelation
a while, and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
~~~~~~~
Personally, I think today's kids
ought to do something really special for their Mothers on Mother's Day
-- like move out !
~~~~~~~
The mother of a large family was
explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest
baby.
"When we had just four children,
I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them. Now," she added,
looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick
up any that don't belong to us."
~~~~~~~
When my wife quit work to take care
of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peek-a-boo and other games
slowly took their toll. One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner
of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor.
I rushed to her side and asked where
it hurt.
She looked at me through tear-filled
eyes and managed to moan, "It's the piggy that ate roast beef."
~~~~~~~
A new Mom took her baby daughter
to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her in pink from head
to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases
around her.
At the checkout line a small boy
and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for
some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let
him have any, she thought.
Then she heard his mother's reply.
"No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister
today. That lady got the last one!"
~~~~~~~
Mom Quotes
My mother had morning sickness after
I was born.
-Rodney Dangerfield
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman
My second favorite household chore
is ironing.
My first being hitting my head on
the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck
"Youth fades; love droops,
the leaves of friendship fall;
A mother's secret hope outlives
them all."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
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