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On this page,
Ribtickler II, you will find Golden Years, We
have Questions, Military Madness, Poet's
Corner, Parenting, Crime
Watch and In the News.
Ribtickler
I has Pastor's Notes, Laugh Lines,
Mouth
of Babes, Quick Quotes,
Marital
Arts, God's Critters and the week's Q
and A.
Enjoy the laughs,
we enjoy bringing them to you.
Wisdom From Grandpa
Whether a man
winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of
chick he marries.
Trouble in
marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he
forgets his sugar.
Too many couples
marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
When a man
marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts when they try
to decide which one.
If a man has
enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never
be an old nag.
~~~~~
GAMES FOR
WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're
it
2. Pin the
toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions
shouted into your good ear
4. Kick the
bucket
5. Red Rover,
Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
6. Doc Goose
7. Simon says
something incoherent.
8. Hide and
Go Pee
9. Spin the
Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical
Recliners
~~~~~
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would
you still be hungry?
Why is it called tourist season
if we can't shoot them?
Why do they report power outages
on TV?
Is there another word for synonym?
Why is there an expiration date on
sour cream?
Why are builders afraid to have a
13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word
for "monosyllabic"?
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train
stops.
So now you know why they call this
a workstation...
A brusque, pompous
lady charged into President Lincoln's office one day. "Mr. President,"
she said, "I demand that my son be given a commission as a major, at least.
I ask this not as a favor but as a right because my grandfather fought
at Lexington, my father fought at New Orleans and my husband was killed
at Monterey."
"Dear Madam,"
the President remarked smoothingly, "It seems to be that your family has
done enough for this nation. It is now time to give somebody else a chance."
I climbed up the
door and
I opened the
stairs.
I said my
pajamas
and buttoned
my prayers.
I turned off
the covers
and pulled
up the light.
I'm all scrambled
up since
she kissed
me last night.
When I was a coach
for Little League Baseball, I used about the same opening speech every
year: "We have to use sportsmanship at all times. There will be no yelling
at the umpires or other players and no being poor losers. Do y'all understand
?"
At that point
the kids would generally nod, then I'd add, "Good! Now please go home and
explain all that to your parents."
~~~~~~
I could tell
that my parents hated me.
My bath toys
were a toaster and a radio.
- -Rodney
Dangerfield
~~~~~~
The quickest
way to get any kid's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~~~~~~
From Kentucky:Two
men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from
the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the
front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck.
Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached
to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their
vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
~~~~~~
Police caught
a Chino Hills man who allegedly stole a cell phone from a Radio Shack electronics
store because he filled out a credit application with his name and address
before running out of the store.
The cell phone
was stolen from the store Friday afternoon.
When a police
officer arrived, he found that 19-year-old Brandon Naradovy had filled
out a credit application.
The thief made
it even easier with a photo to match. Before he left the store, he also
took pictures of himself with the cell phone, which doubles as a camera.
An employee
was able to identify the suspect by comparing the photo on the store's
computer system to the man's DMV photo.
Naradovy was
arrested without incident at his home Saturday and was later booked into
West Valley Detention Center in Rancho Cucamonga on suspicion of burglary.
Three janitors
at an elementary school in Ceres, California, tried to freeze a gopher
to death by spraying it with a solvent that freezes gum and wax so it can
be peeled or chipped away. Jeff Davis, 35, said he and his colleagues had
sprayed several cans of the gum remover on the gopher inside a small, poorly
ventilated utility room with the doors closed when one of them tried to
light a cigarette. Sparks from the lighter ignited the solvent, causing
an explosion that blew the janitors out of the utility room, sending them
and 16 pupils to the hospital. The gopher survived and was later released
in a field. Ceres Unified School District Superintendent Bruce Newlin commented
that the men "used extraordinarily poor judgment."
In New Jersey
a gas station attendant, Miconelinando Rodriguez, tried to rob his own
store. He got away, but was caught by police 15 minutes later. The problem
was that he was still wearing his work shirt with his name on it, which
was easily recognizable.
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